Tweeting is not scary.

Number three in the “____ is not scary” series. When I use single quotation marks inside of double quotation marks on the blog, the double marks sometimes reverse themselves. Mystery of the Interwebs.

Tweeting is not scary.

“Poo-tee-white. Boo-teeth-weet. Like that. You’ve never seen Hitchcock’s Birds?”

“Not what I’m talking about. Poo-teet-weet.”

“Nope. Not it. You mean chirping? Landlord said not to sit on the stairs.”

“The social media. Landlord can complain when she fixes the thermostat. It’s sure not ‘poo-tee-white.’ ”

“Twitter? Chirping. Look.”

“Tweets not chirps. It’s dead. Screen’s black.”

“You’re blind.”

“Your phone’s dead.”

“I charged it last night.”

“Shaking it like that? These are tweets. It says ‘tweets.’ ”

“You say, ‘tweets.’ Why did GripyoSELF tell you about girls cheating on him?”

“He’s telling Twitter.”

“All of Twitter? Like a bird nest?”

“Anyone who wants to read it. That wasn’t bad.”

“Thanks. You do?”

“Not necessarily.”

“It’s your page. There he put your name and some others. He chirped you. Bree Tanker tore her pantyhose. I’ve seen this before. ‘FML?’ ”

“People follow you and you follow them. Their tweets go in your feed and yours in theirs. I didn’t ask him to tweet at me. You don’t have the app?”

” ‘FML?’ ”

“You were going to show me Twitter.”

“It’s dead. Horknees ate cereal with Coke. Gingeritis wants you to know ‘Hatas gwun hat. Bobin it any.’ Number sign ‘freeshee.’ That Dutch?”

“Hashtag not number sign.”

“Pound sign.”


“Grumples mad at me for using synonyms. Chirp.”

“You don’t have Twitter. Now I’m surprised you know it.”

“Is this where you get your blogging ideas? Can I borrow your charger?”

“This is where I get ideas to move out of our place.”

“Can I? I want to chirp at you.”

“I’m starting to prefer Hitchcock.”

“Poo-woo-toot. Get off the stairs.”


Slice of life: “We learned a new hard thing called Go Fish.” Child to an elderly person on the sidewalk.


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